I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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