Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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