i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
