Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
