Don't you send me to vm
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
