And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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