I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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