Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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