I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
