dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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