Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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