Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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