whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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