I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
