Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
