I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
