So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
