I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
