hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
