dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
