I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
