yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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