Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
