Are we in a gay sports bar?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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