um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry about my life...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
