don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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