if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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