wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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