Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
