at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my liver is dry heaving
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
