My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
