We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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