when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
