Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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