The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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