Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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