I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
