it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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