his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
