did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
