Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
