I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
