Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
