I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
