i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
