I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
