Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
