But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
