Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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