Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
